What does it mean to belong?

What does it mean to belong?

Is it simply a matter of fitting in or having a comfortable place where, as the “Cheers” theme song went, “where everybody knows you name”? Is it a relationship where, regardless of who or what you are, you are included … accepted … made to feel worthy?

Trudi, in Stones from the River, had to deal with that very question after WWII, after her father had passed away, after the various individuals who had befriended her began to change, move away or pass away. Were do I belong? At one time she felt that she would “belong” if she was taller, normal size (she was a dwarf – a little person). Then it moved into the attitude that she would “belong” if she had friends to play with? As an adult she made herself “belong” via the means of gossip and stories that she held on to and shared about all the people of her small German town. And, then finally, she came to the conclusion that she would “belong” if she could marry and have children of her own … then she would “belong” … i.e. be “normal” like everybody else. But, alas that was not to be and the book ends with her still searching for the ultimate answer to the ageless question: Where do I belong?

Somewhat connected to this question are the issues surrounding purpose, as in “what is my purpose now that this or that has happened”?

Isn’t this the very struggle that confronts every child as they grow up … do I really belong here? It becomes even harder when there are other issues that a person has to deal with say as in adoption. Which TV sitcom character stated, “You have to love me because I belong to you!”

Belonging – finding your place in human society, in relationship to others … that one place where you fit in and they love you, not simply because you are biologically connected, but because the other people choose to love you. Does it boil down to the issue of choice or is there a place that you simply belong because of who you are?

Some find answers by joining clubs or organization or even “secret” societies that have degrees of “inside” information and special handshakes. We wear a lapel pin or place decals on our cars so that “others” will know that we belong to this group or that … we have a place and a group that claims us … where we belong … where we have a reason for being.

One mother dealt with this issue as her last daughter left home and “empty nest” syndrome hit her particularly hard. Depression set in – deep depression – as she expressed her greatest fear – “I don’t have a reason to live any longer … I don’t have a purpose … I don’t belong here any longer.”

Belonging carries with it the entire package of identification. As long as I can wear the “team” colors and cheer from the sidelines then I have a legitimate reason for occupying time and space on planet Earth.

I saw my father deal with this issue in his retirement years. Since he wasn’t bringing in a paycheck – the issue that gave him purpose and allowed him to occupy time and space – he felt that he didn’t belong. He was a very active member of one of those “secret” societies, involved in the life of his church and volunteered over 40 hours a week with R.S.V.P. … but none of that mattered since there wasn’t a paycheck associated with his efforts. Self-worth is a difficult issue - especially in the later years of life.

And so, what gives you that sense of belonging? How would you define it? What identifiers do you place on this issue of belonging for yourself?

Quote for today: Rudyard Kipling once wrote about families, "all of us are we--and everyone else is they." A family shares things like dreams, hopes, possessions, memories, smiles, frowns, and gladness...A family is a clan held together with the glue of love and the cement of mutual respect. A family is shelter from the storm, a friendly port when the waves of life become too wild. No person is ever alone who is a member of a family. Fingertip Facts.