Changing our behavior

Here is a novel idea … or at least novel to me since it never crossed my gray matter previously. Not really sure where it came from, but it just could have been generated by a Public TV program that was airing on the British Royal Family and just how much the Queen is in control, absolute control, of the world in which she lives. Now here is the idea … would the Queen say and/or do what I was about to say or do?

Oh, I’m aware of the WWJD stuff, but in my mind this was different. Jesus lived so many years ago. This wasn’t a catchy slogan or a youth group exercise … this was, somehow, quite real. If the Queen doesn’t cut it for you then just pick a celebrity or someone famous that you admire or look up to. It really doesn’t matter and then place them in your life doing what you are doing or saying what you are saying or thinking what you are thinking.

When I pulled this exercise on myself it kind of changed the perspective of what I was involved in. It moved me into a different world and mindset … and probably changed my behavior just a little. It was a real interesting exercise.

Why is it that we decide to do or say what we do or say? Human behavior is an interesting subject and is way more complicated that I am able to understand because at its very root is motivation. If we could key in on our motivating factors that changing our behavior would be rather simple, but the motivating factors are kind of hard to pin down. There are just too many influencing forces which come into play – the people, places and experiences – which influences the very basic fiber of our being and thus, our behavior.

George Gallup shared: “There's little difference in ethical behavior between the churched and the unchurched. There's as much pilferage and dishonesty among the churched as the unchurched. And I'm afraid that applies pretty much across the board: Religion, per se, is not really life changing. People cite it as important, for instance, in overcoming depression--but it doesn't have primacy in determining behavior.” So, simply asking the WWJD question evidently doesn’t affect behavior – or at least aligning yourself with a religious organization doesn’t determine the correct and/or acceptable behavior within any particular context.

Change in behavior comes very slowly and usually with some pain associated with the process. The determining factor comes from within and not by outside forces. Now, there can be some outside forces which causes the individual to want to change. Example was the church secretary at First Church South Miami. She was a great cook, but when she married, later in life, the kitchen was like a “foreign land” in her house. She never had to learn to cook so she didn’t know how to cook, but her husband had a job that had him traveling and eating out 95% of the time. Therefore, when he was home he wanted to eat at home which resulted in her learning how to cook in her mid-forties. She shared one time, “No matter what I placed before him he would praise it endlessly as the best this or the greatest that AND he would tell others how great a cook I was (actually I believe his word was ‘fabulous’) … but I knew it was horrible … so, in self-defense, I had to become a good cook to match up with his never ending praise.” Change came in her behavior by her own determination and desires as is the case with all of us.

Do we want to change? That is the real question. If we are “comfortable” with a particular behavior, regardless of other people’s reaction to it, then there will be little to no reason to change. Therein lies the rub … what we might see as being “comfortable” could only be our perception of their reaction or acceptance when in reality they could be communicating an entirely different message.

I wonder how our “friends and family” would respond if we asked the question, “What are the top five things that you would change about me if you had the chance?” I wonder how we would react if they did respond with their top five things? And, I wonder how we/I would react upon receiving their list? Would we be prepared to really hear what they had to say? … would we want to know? … really, really!

Cannot really expect society to change its behavior if we are not willing to change our behavior now can we? If we really desire the world to change it begins with the individuals who make up the world and then gradually the world will change as we do. Actually Jesus calls us, his followers, to be Change Agents – those who facilitate change – make it happen – cause it to happen – to bring it about. Sometimes we will fail, but in the those times that we succeed … awe, that will be victory!

Quote for today: “Everybody thinks of changing Humanity and Nobody thinks of changing Himself.” L. Tolstoy