Aghast in the Market Place of Life

Yesterday I wrote about personal aghast … today I turn my attention to aghast in the market place. “Aghast in the market place” is defined as the outward expression, often expressed aggressively and inappropriately at others, of the aghast that is consuming a person internally.

Example one: A gentleman, in our community, was out with his spouse and adult son for an evening of dinner and conversation. During the dinner he drank too much. On their way home someone cut him off on a major highway and the chase was on. The alcohol and speed wasn’t a good mix. The result was the vehicle they were in crashed, the son was killed and he ended up in the hospital seriously injured. You can blame it on the alcohol, but I believe that it was simply another example of aghast in the market place!

Within the last year we’ve had numerous stories out of the Tampa/St. Petersburg area where the mere circumstances of life got the best of an individual resulting in aghast which took over their emotions ending up with someone losing their life … usually younger than 5 years old. It is sad how the “aghast in the market place” turns so quickly from a simple disagreement into something far worse.

While wondering as to why, I read an article about the role of spanking a child plays in aggressive and angry behavior when they become adults. The authors are proving a strong direct link between the role of spanking a child when they are young to aggressive behavior when they become teenagers or older. And, then I remembered a fantastic book on raising children that became a staple in the parental counseling portion of my ministry, “Raising Your Child Not by Force but by Love,” by Sidney Craig.

In his medical practice, Dr. Craig discovered extremely well adjusted children who were spanked regularly by their parents and well adjusted children who were never spanked, plus, the exact reverse in both cases. So Dr. Craig dug deeper to discover just what role physical punishment actually played in the type of behavior a child/adult would demonstrate later in life. What Sidney discovered became the basis of this book which is still in print today … namely, the role of love and affirmation plays in shaping the personality and behavior of an individual.

Sidney Craig’s analogy made perfect sense, quick to grasp and was easy to use in a counseling setting. Dr. Craig never advocated not using physical punishment, but using it only in extreme situations. The analogy was this – consider a child as a bank, as the parent you make deposits (acts of love and affirmation) and withdrawals (any punishment – note the word ANY – from the simple process of just raising your voice to the extreme act of spanking). The thing that Dr. Craig affiremd is that the more extreme the punishment the bigger the withdrawal becomes … just make sure that there is enough in your “bank account” to cover your withdrawal. If you are not sure than re-evaluate the punishment to be used.

You probably could guess what he found in the well adjusted individuals. Lots and lots and lots of affirmations, expressions of love, compliments, parents using the “please/thank you” words more than the children, uplifting and caring attitudes, etc. In other words, deposit after deposit after deposit resulting in adults that showed little to no aggression in their interactions with other people … even when there was a lot of aghast present.

Thus was the case with me … my father was a physical punishing type of father, my mother was more verbal. I didn’t know it until much, much later in life – after both parents were gone – that two of my brothers discussed, with concern, just how often and how severe they punished me which has resulted in aggressive behavior throughout my adulthood … it is hard to change the strips on the tiger when the tiger is grown. Thank God for loving and patient parishioners, a caring and understanding parents, and understanding children – the youngest has often said to me when I have apologized for my earlier behavior, “Dad, get over it. I have!” Good advice and I am working on it.

And so, when you see “aghast in the market place” check out your own aghast, consider how they were raised and try to make a deposit into their emotional “bank account” … it isn’t ever too late!

Quote for today: “Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be.” Thomas a'Kempis