Comfortable in your own skin

Trudi, the main character in Ursula Hegi’s epic novel, Stones from the River, shares the struggles of living in Germany from 1915 and beyond. She is a person of small stature and is labeled a dwarf before that became a politically incorrect term. In fact, on the lips of the fellow citizens of her German town it is a name of ridicule. We are invited into her world to share the struggles and challenges of making friends and finding her way in this world. In the process it is also revealed what Germany was like during and after WWI and WWII. From my perspective it is also fascinating to understand the role religion, specifically the Catholic Church, the Protestant church and the Jewish synagogue, plays in the everyday life of the community. It is truly a remarkable story.

One of the characters that assist Trudi in her journey is Pia. Pia is also a little person and also a star attraction at the traveling circus as animal trainer. Pia is the first little person that Trudi has meant. Up until this meeting Trudi felt and believed she was the only one in the world. In their conversation Pia shared, while not using the present day terminology, that it is important to be “comfortable in your own skin.” Be comfortable in being yourself. Learn to love yourself for who you are and not what other people might be saying behind your back. And, then Pia showed Trudi how to hug herself.

We all need to be hugged. Experts say that we need at least 8 hugs a day for just good mental health. None of us receives enough hugs nor do we share our hugs with others. And, in turn, we do not receive nor share affirmations. Why? Well, it could be too simplistic, but just maybe it is because we are not comfortable in our own skin … just too caught up in trying to deal with old “tapes” passed on to us from our parents and siblings … trying to live up to the expectations of others instead of just learning to love ourselves (i.e. hugging ourselves) ... in actuality, becoming comfortable in our own skin.

That is my challenge for today. I’m not sure how others deal with this issue or even, how they have overcome those old parental “tapes” spinning around in our minds … and I am not sure how I can stop listening to my mother’s constant onslaught of verbiage nor stop living in fear of my father – even though both of them have been dead for a number of years.

I’m open to any advice … do you have any to share?

Quote for today: “Hugging can be vital for your emotional well-being. Everybody feels skin hunger throughout their lives, and unless that hunger is satisfied by touching, there's a vital void in the emotional make-up that's going to cause deep unhappiness. We all know that babies thrive on frequent stroking. Well, adults are no different. When they are not patted on the hand, embraced around the shoulder or hugged, they withdraw into themselves. I prescribe four hugs a day for survival, eight for maintenance and twelve for growth.” Dr. Virginai Satir