Christmas Cookie Rules

When we use to do our annual Christmas open houses Margaret would bake dozens upon dozens of cookies … numerous varieties … along with various kinds of fruit bars, heavenly hash (truly, heavenly), and tons of other little goodies. It was unbelievable, but the glorious smells filled the house … I am still amazed at what she accomplished. Besides we got to taste as the baking continued for an entire week. Brothers and brother-in-laws got the leftovers.

One funny story concerns the “care package of goodies” we sent off to her brother in West Palm. It had arrived via US Postal service, but Ted was off at work. The postal carrier simply left it at the front door … on the ground. Well, a package of goodies on the ground in Florida – result was that the package was soon filled with ants. Ted comes home from work, finds the package, sees who it is from, knows what is inside, sees the ants … and decides I’m not going to throw it away so into the freezer the package went. A day later they started to enjoy the goodies as they brushed off the frozen ants. Go figure!

The only problem with all those cookies are the calories that come along with them. They are too good to resist, but our waistline is under attack. What I just recently discovered, thanks to my son-in-love, is that there are actually Christmas Cookie Rules that automatically eliminate the calories … or at least it is fun to think about the possibility that it just might be possible. Anyway, it takes away the guilt factor, but neither you nor me are going to stop eating those beautiful cookies that we only get once a year!

Christmas Cookie Rules...

1. If you eat a Christmas cookie fresh out of the oven, it has no calories because everyone knows that the first cookie is the test and thus calorie free.

2. If you drink a diet soda after eating your second cookie, it also has no calories because the diet soda cancels out the cookie calories.

3. If a friend comes over while you're making your Christmas cookies and needs to sample, you must sample with your friend. Because your friend's first cookie is calories free, (rule #1) yours is also. It would be rude to let your friend sample alone and, being the friend that you are, that makes your cookie calorie free.

4. Any cookie calories consumed while walking around will fall to your feet and eventually fall off as you move. This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.

5. Any calories consumed during the frosting of the Christmas cookies will be used up because it takes many calories to lick excess frosting from a knife without cutting your tongue.

6. Cookies colored red or green have very few calories. Red ones have three and green ones have five - one calorie for each letter. Make more red ones!

7. Cookies eaten while watching "Miracle on 34th Street " have no calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.

8. As always, cookie pieces contain no calories because the process of breaking causes calorie leakage.

9. Any cookies consumed from someone else's plate have no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to their plate. We all know how calories like to CLING!

10. Any cookies consumed while feeling stressed have no calories because cookies used for medicinal purposes NEVER have calories. It's a rule!

So, go out and enjoy those Christmas Cookies - we only get them this time of year!

Quote for today: Think what a better world it would be if we all, the whole world, had cookies and milk about three o’clock every afternoon and then lay down on our blankets for a nap. ~Barbara Jordan