Respect

Dr. Richard V. Moore, who was president of Bethune Cookman College, Daytona Beach, FL, liked to tell the story of the day he was walking home from his office. Dr. Moore always carried peppermint candy in his coat pocket, so he reached in, took out his last one for the day and began to unwrap it when he was approached by one of the neighborhood children. The young lad asked if he could have some of the candy. Dr. Moore broke his last piece in half, put one half in his mouth and offered the other half to the little boy. As the lad took the piece, Dr. Moore, always the teacher, asked, “Son, what do you say?” Expecting a “Thank you” was surprised when the boy said, “Do you have some more?” Manners are an interesting matter – especially when you are trying to teach a young person.

I’ve been reading a series of books that Margaret had laying around … after all there is just so much TV anyone can consume and since I was instructed to stay off my mending ankle as much as possible reading becomes the other popular choice. Therefore, with my left foot propped up higher than my heart, I read. The series is by Lynn and Gilbert Morris – Lynn does the research and Gilbert does the writing. They depict life in 1865 and beyond in America.

What I find kind of interesting are the manners and etiquette during those years. Everyone is addressed with a Mr., Mrs., Miss, or Dr., but never by their first name unless they were family or very close friends. Further, first names were seldom used in “mixed” company – mixed meaning friends and people from the general population. It was a very formal and extremely polite time in our country.

Some other customs that I have found interesting is that everyone dressed up for dinner – coat, tie, white gloves … the works – every evening. There were at least six changes of clothes during the day for women of middle income and higher. There was a morning dress for breakfast and then a change to a day dress, etc. throughout the day until a woman would finally change for the last time for the evening meal.

Would I desire for us to return to this formal society of yesteryear? Not really – at least not in total, but there is something about that day which is kind of attractive. In one of my churches we had to deal directly with a couple of mothers who encourage our daughters to call them by their first names and in turn their daughters would call us by our first name. Call us old fashion, but we just never got comfortable with that practice – much to the discomfort of their mothers. I felt, and still do, that showing respect for adults is important thus the use of a title such as Rev. or Mrs. with our first name would be more appropriate than just calling out our names. After a year we finally got across the point of respect, but it was a battle of sorts or should I share, more of test of wills.

An example from those days and the role that respect can and does play in relationships between children/youth and adults was that Margaret could ask any of the youth to do anything and they would quickly respond with, “Yes, ma’am.” and then go do it. While these other adults would ask and get a little lip along with complaints as to why they couldn’t do it right now. Interesting … was it respect or the fact that she was my wife … probably a little of both.

As to the custom of dress … a little of the old fashion manners would be welcomed especially with the “gangsta” style of wearing pants where half of their underwear shows or going everywhere without even a T-shirt on. Plus, I’ve not gotten use to some of the attire which shows up at weddings and funerals – cut-offs, flip-flops, halter tops – to mention just three “styles” witnessed during my last five years of ministry. I even had a best man show up in dirty tennis shoes because the dress shoes, which the groom had rented with the tux, were just too uncomfortable. Go figure.

Times do change along with style and custom. Some we like. Some we do not. Maybe it is just me, but when a person respects himself or herself then they show respect to others in varied ways. How to pass this respect on to others is the real challenge, especially when society, as a whole, is comfortable with the “anything goes” mind-set.

Marathon Senior High School installed, thanks to the student body, a rather strict dress code the last year I served the Big Pine Key church. Previously, they had an “anything goes” mind-set, but when girls started showing up in revealing bikinis and drugs began to show up on campus in large amounts the student council felt that something had to change. The first that the dress code was in place the attitude and academic performance of the students changed dramatically. Evidently there is a correlation between dress, respect and behavior. By-the-way, it began with the senior high boys, but by the end of that school year all the boys were wearing shirts and ties to school. As one of the church’s teenagers shared, “When you dress up you feel different. You actually start liking yourself and you are going to start to respect others.”

What do you think? How do you handle the general disrespect found in today’s society? If you had the authority and the power what would you change and how would you change it? How do you show respect for those around you?

Quote for today: Abraham Koramn found that individuals who are told they are incompetent to achieve a certain goal or do a certain task even though they had no pervious experience with the task, will perform worse than those who are told they are competent to achieve the goals and do the task. Bernard Rosenbaum