Reflection on forgiveness and loving scumbags

“If anyone says, 'I love God,' yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen.” 1 John 4:20 – (See the larger and complete biblical text on love in 1 John 4:7-21)

Loving our “neighbor” – whomever that may be – is extremely difficult at best. It probably is the most challenging of all the directives of Jesus. And, yet it stands as the hallmark of the Christian walk. I think that we shall be judged more on the context of our love towards others than on anything else.

“Neighbor” is a loaded word. If I understand Jesus’ teaching it is anyone that I dislike or despise. The terrorist that seeks to destroy us; the thief who comes in the night to take what is ours; the slanderer who would ruin our good name; that man or woman who belong to a different religion; the individuals of a different race or culture … and so the list goes on. Here is what Jesus shares in the Sermon on the Mount: But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you. (Matthew 5:44)

I said it was difficult … actually impossible without the empowerment of the Holy Spirit and the support as well as guidance of a faith community.

So, who is my neighbor? Anyone and everyone. No exceptions allowed. It might be the vilest person that you can imagine. It could be the meanest person on planet earth. Regardless of what they have done to you Jesus’ command is to love them. It is tough!

Without forgiveness we are the ones living in the prison of our own making. Hate and anger are strong emotions. Many medical doctors, Dr. Bernie S. Siegel in his book, Love, Medicine and Miracles is the best known of them, have seen individuals consumed with illnesses – destructive illness – life taking illnesses – all because the person is choosing to live in the prison of unforgiveness. True, forgiveness comes from God, but we are to be instruments or channels of God’s forgiving mercy.

Max Lucado shares in his book, And The Angles Were Silent, “Until you are able to call your enemy your friend, a jail door is closed and a prisoner is taken. But when you open the door and release your foe from your hatred, then the prisoner is released and that prisoner is you.”

We are not instructed to like the person. We are not expected to have them over for coffee and pie. We are not anticipating a buddy-buddy, let’s-go-out-to-dinner-and-a-movie friendship … although in some situations it does move in that direction. Jesus asks us to love them … from my perspective that means that we are to pray for them, wish the best of God’s kingdom for them, speak well of them at every opportunity and seek their welfare by the grace of God.

I shared that on my Facebook page Monday. It elicited a strong response from one of my friends. “I hate to disagree…, but I have someone I will NEVER talk to again for the rest of my life, and I am NOT in a prison I just think of them as dead and rotting in hell. I go on with my life like they never existed. I know a lot of people who have someone they feel the same way about. … Their forgiveness will have to come from God. As for me, I do not want to be friends, or acquaintance, or nothing to scumbags.”

I think that The Reverend Lucado’s quote hit a nerve in my friend. We don’t like being reminded that the love, mercy and grace of God places a higher demand on our souls and spirit than we are willing to give, but that is the role of God’s grace in our lives. God never asks us to do something that we can do. In order to love the unlovable it will take the power and presence of God’s Holy Spirit. We cannot do it on our own!

Notice the emphasis on “I” in my friend’s response. As long as our focus is on ourselves we will fail, but if we change that focus to God then anything and everything is possible … hmm, sounds like St. Paul sharing about a God of possibilities like in “all things are possible with God”.

Would Jesus agree with my friend's statement? Would Jesus take that attitude? Would Jesus treat the “scumbag” as this person has decided to treat them? Does Jesus expect us to follow him? To love who he loves? To embrace who he died for?

Is it possible to “go on with our life”? Yes. Is it possible to live as if “they are dead and rotting in hell”? Yes. Is it possible to live our life as if “they never existed”? Yes … Is this the way Jesus would want us to live? No … absolutely not … unwavering not …

A seminary professor, speaking on the idea of heaven, pearly gates and the “checking-in” process – You know the image of St. Peter opening the book of life, etc. Well, the professor asked, “What if St. Peter takes on the image of the individual or race that you hate the most? What if it is that individual/race that you have to pass in order to enter heaven? What would you do now, in the here and now? How would it change your life? How would you choose to act? Say?” It is an image that continues to linger in my own mind and has shaped my relationships ever since.

Several years ago Bill, a funeral director friend of mine, shared a story after a sermon on this subject. He was working for a company on the east coast and had to handle a rather horrible funeral. It was a story that gripped the headlines of all the local papers. A couple’s beautiful 16-year old daughter was raped and savagely murdered by a 16-year teenager.

The funeral was painful for everyone and yet, through the entire process the couple kept asking about the young man who had done this to their daughter. They asked questions of Bill for which he did not have answers. What would cause him to do this? What kind of upbring did he have? What kind of demons lingered below the surface? What kind of future is he facing? Does he know Jesus?

This couple took the front row seats in the courtroom as this young man stood trial for the rape and murder of their daughter. At the sentencing they asked for the privilege to speak. This wasn’t the general custom at the time, but the judge granted their wish. They asked the judge to show this young man mercy … mercy that he did not show to their daughter. They asked the judge to show compassion in considering this young man’s future. Then they showed the grace of God as they extended to this teenager forgiveness and hope ... and their God centered love.

After the young man went to prison. The couple started to write him. First, just once a month or so, but as he began to respond to their letters they started to write more often. After more than a year the weekly letters turned into monthly visits to the prison. After several years of sharing the couple were able to share their faith with this young man. They were able to lead him to a saving grace of Jesus Christ.

Sometimes the road to hope and promise is long and hard.

During the visits they learned a great deal about this young mans journey that had caused him to arrive at the point of being in prison for the rape and murder of their daughter. They began to understand. And, in turn, the teenager began to understand and appreciate the life that he has abused and taken.

The day arrived for him to be released from prison. Who should be standing just outside the prison doors, but the couple. The asked, “Is there no one to meet you? To take you home?” They already knew the answer, but they asked anyway. There was no one. The father made an offer, “Would you like to come home with us until you are able to get your feet on the ground?”

The couple had redecorated their daughters bedroom to fit the personality and likes of a young man. He settled in and tried to fit in, even though it was a little strange. Alright, a whole lot strange.

The father helped him purchase some new clothes. Practiced with him on how to interview for a job. And ultimately, helped him find work within the community.

Four years after the young mans release from jail the couple asked a most difficult question – for all three of them. “Would he (the young man) like to be adopted by the couple?” Within a couple of months after that the three of them stood in a court in West Palm Beach and became an official family. The young man who had taken their daughter’s life was now their son … their brand new son.

Unbelievable? Yes. Grace filled? Definitely. Mercy realized? God be praised.

This couple knew in their hearts that if they harbored anger and hate towards the teenage boy they would be in an emotional prison for the rest of their lives. Forgiveness started with them before the young man could ever ask for forgiveness and be adopted into the family. But that is the way God’s love works … if we but allow it.

Just as 1 John states … how can we love God who we have not seen if we do not love our neighbor who is right before us.

We cannot say that we love God if we choose not to do what he has asked us to do and to love who he loves.