Three Cups of Tea and building lasting relationships

Presently I am reading “Three Cups of Tea” by Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin. It is the story of one man with a mission to advance the cause of peace in a land torn by war, Pakistan and Afghanistan … one school at a time. Dr. Mortenson was determined, faced unbelievable difficulties, but through friendship building, passion for his vision and an incredible amount of patience he was able to achieve success. What stands out, and becomes a living metaphor – a symbol for what he was trying to do in building places where boys and girls could be educated – was the need to build a bridge for his first community before he could build the school. This story is about building bridges between individuals of different cultures, religious beliefs and history.

On page 150 it states:
“When the porcelain bowls of scalding butter tea steamed in their hands, Haji Ali spoke. ‘If you want to thrive in Baltistan, you must respect our ways,’ Haji Ali said, blowing on his bowl. ‘The first time you share tea with a Balti, you are a stranger. The second time you take tea, you are an honored guest. The third time you share a cup of tea, you become family, and for our family, we are prepared to do anything, even die,’ he said, laying his hand warmly on Mortenson’s own. ‘Doctor Greg, you must make time to share three cups of tea. We may be uneducated. But we are not stupid. We have lived and survived here for a long time.’

“’That day, Haji Ali taught me the most important lesson I’ve ever learned in my life,’ Mortenson says. ‘We Americans think you have to accomplish everything quickly. We’re the country of thirty-minute power lunches and two-minute football drills. Our leaders thought their ‘shock and awe’ campaign could end the war in Iraq before it even started. Haji Ali taught me to share three cups of tea, to slow down and make building relationships as important as building projects. He taught me that I had more to learn from the people I work with than I could ever hope to teach them.’”

What a valuable insight into our lives here in America taught by an individual who has never gone to school, cannot read or write, and yet, has an understanding of life far beyond anything that we have obtained. The lesson here for me is to take the time to build relationships, one cup of tea at a time and everything else will flow from that.

Christmas has traditionally been a time of hospitality – the sharing of our home with others. I am sure that sharing three cups of coffee will work instead of tea, as long as we understand that by the third cup the other individual has become family and a person for which we will do anything including dying for them. That is some serious stuff. I believe that we take our relationships, even family relationships, far too lightly and thus, the very fabric of our existence is threatened.

Our so-called “social networking” actually doesn’t bring about a connection. We have instant communication without ever truly communicating. The “time” we spend in each other’s company is quick and superficial. While we maybe visiting with each other our minds are going over a list of “stuff” we have to go and do … to accomplish … to complete before the sun goes down. In the process of our busyness we are losing out on the joy of taking the time of getting to know another person as a member of our family.

This Christmas find at least one individual with which you can begin to share the three cups of tea.

Quote for today – from the beginning of Chapter 12, “Haji Ali’s Lesson” of the above-mentioned book: It may seem absurd to believe that a “primitive” culture in the Himalaya has anything to teach our industrialized society. But our search for a future that works keeps spiraling back to an ancient connection between ourselves and the earth, an interconnectedness that ancient cultures have never abandoned. ~Helena Norberg-Hodge